Monday, 6 October 2014

Emerald Lake

On our return drive from Calgary this weekend, Kim rented a canoe for us to paddle around Emerald Lake.  This was the same lake we visited with Jordan in Easter, after all his chemo was completed.  He was weak, but so happy to be freed from the hospital. Kim’s excitement to canoe with him around this exquisite spot, turned to surprise when we discovered that it was still frozen over and piled high with snow.  Icicles hanging from the rafters of the lodge weren’t safe from Jordan's crutches, that he used like a sword.  In fact, one crutch broke, and we just laughed.  We were determined to celebrate and never entertained the possibility of revisiting the lake again without him.  

Sometimes I just get tired of tearing eyes swim, my head feels light and my heart physically aches.  Later on, I just feel tired.  But neither do I want to push away thoughts of my brave, beautiful boy. At times, it is still unbelievable that he won’t be coming in for a goodnight hug, or throwing open his arms to say “I love you Mom” or lean over to kiss me on the cheek. How can it seem like both forever and only yesterday that he left this earth? On the new earth, maybe we can return to Emerald Lake and experience it with only wonder and awe - thrilled that we don’t have to be separated ever again.  I wonder who else will join us in the canoe?  Or if we’ll just walk on the water.  :-)

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Kevin's Declaration

Below are the most encouraging facebook posts we’ve seen in a looong while.  Our friend Kevin Peterson, the South African director of JGLM has kindly given us permission to repost them.  Our faces were wet with tears by the time we were finished reading them.  After the death of Kevin’s young son from a brain tumor he embarked on a quest to find out if it was indeed God’s will that his son suffer and die, as some of his Christian friends insisted.  After studying his Bible and finding Curry’s teaching, he became a healing machine. We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.
How Crazy is this....Last night on the eve of the anniversary of Joel's death, Monique says to me as I was about to jump into my jamies "you better attend to this" - a medical emergency at St Augustines. I wolf down supper and jump into my bakkie. On route I call a lady whose husband had had a severe stroke - we pray over the phone - instantly he can move all the limbs that were paralysed and he begins to speak and tries to stand up. His wife and family are overwhelmed what Jesus has done. I get to the hospital only to find the guy who I was meant to pray for wasn’t there so I decide that since the devil got me out of my jarmies I shall make him pay...... I see a lady weeping so I go over to her to find out what’s wrong? Her mom has a critical heart condition and needs surgery. So I say to her do not worry, I will fix this. I get taken to ward 6. It is packed with people. I pray for her mom - instant difference in her condition and she feels lighter. I stand up and boldly ask who else needs prayer because the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand. The sister of the lady who was ill says I have the same condition in my heart. I pray for her and I ask her what she hasn't been able to do. She couldn’t walk up stairs without being out of breath so I send her to do some cross fit on the nearby staircase. She returns a few minutes later beaming - Jesus just gave her a new heart. All heaven breaks loose. Stroke symptoms are smashed, a chest infection clears , backs are healed, lungs are healed ...all manners of things as Jesus shows his amazing Love to a crowd in a hospital ward.
6 years ago there we were watching life ebb out of Joely's body and last night I was watching the Life of God flow effortlessly into the bodies of those who were oppressed by the devil. Brothers do not be deceived....Ignorance kills. Truth sets us and others free...

The following day, Kevin declares:

On the anniversary of the day the devil stole our son I want to declare that JESUS is the lover of our souls not the destroyer of them. He is the One who brings life and that in abundance, not the one who only robs kills and destroys. Jesus is the one who heals all our diseases and forgives all our sins. Jesus keeps no record of wrong against us. He is not the one who accuses us. Jesus is the One who is our advocate constantly interceding for us and whose blood constantly declares us not guilty!!. Jesus is the One in whose image and likeness we are made. We have His name; we have his mind; we have His Spirit; we have His authority; we are His Body; we are as He is. We no longer carry the identity of the devil's nature - sin. Jesus has freed us from the dominion of sin. Jesus has enabled us to become the righteousness of God whose nature we now possess. Jesus is the One in whom there is no darkness - no shadow of turning no variableness. Jesus is the same yesterday today and forever. Jesus is the One who has stripped the devil of all His authority and the One in whom ALL authority in heaven and on earth now rests. Jesus is the One whom we are joined to - in perfect union with. We are inseparable from Him. Jesus is our joint heir and because of that we have everything He has. Jesus is totally worthy of us laying down our lives for - to live not only for God's glory but also for the benefit of our fellow man.
Amen and Amen

Monday, 15 September 2014

I Wonder

Despite spending a lot of time studying and thinking about what heaven will be like, I've not considered what the new earth will be like.  This summer has been filled with jaw dropping beauty for us - from the sky slicing mountains and emerald lakes of Jasper to the roar of the ocean in Cannon Beach, Oregon.  Since the God of the Bible is Redeeming God, we find ourselves wondering if these exquisite spots will occupy the same real estate in the new earth, only in perfection and without any of the inherent danger is scaling the mountain or swimming out to sea.  Will there be no "too cold" or "too hot" as well as no "too dangerous"? When we swim out into the water, will I be able to call on the dolphins to play with?  When Jordan and I would dream together about what was coming, I would always chose the dolphins and he would always chose the killer whale as water pets.  He liked the idea that a beast so fearsome could be his playmate.  

It must be like the blink of an eye for Jordy in anticipating our reunion in heaven and the New Earth.  For me, I'm just so grateful that when I miss his hugs, his voice, his "I Love You's", I can anticipate him showing me around, introducing me to others and spending the rest of eternity with him: discovering, building, adventuring, playing, creating, celebrating.... and I don't know what else.  

This weekend, Kim and I are celebrating our 27th wedding anniversary. I love sharing this life with him .... and look forward to sharing all eternity. How incredible is that? 
If it's this good now...

Thursday, 11 September 2014

Debt of Love

We owe Curry Blake, his family and all the long distance believers, who prayed with Jordan over the phone, a debt of love we can never repay.  In Texas, this summer, Kim and I were able to thank most of them in person.

Right in the moment of our greatest need as a family, we received the gift of solid teaching on healing.  My introduction to John G. Lake Ministries came in the children’s cancer ward on a fold out bed in the darkened corner of Jordan’s room with the hum of machines and the poison chemo drip in his chest.  With one earbud in to hear the DHT Training on YouTube and one earbud out to hear any possible whispers, I listened with tears streaming down my cheeks.  

My religious traditions and mindsets were systematically debunked.  I fell in love with the Bible all over again. We were given weapons to fight with - a mindset that withstood and overcame torment, confusion and despair. Although we didn’t ask Jordan to listen to the teachings, he overheard us discussing them and the truth resonated with his spirit. He, along with our family, became convinced by Scripture that God was not the author of his sickness; he was not being punished or tempted or disciplined.  He hated sickness and had no tolerance for it - especially in others. The fact that Jordan was able to do miraculous healings when he prayed for others totally jazzed him.

Being in a family of all boys, my son was really comfortable with the paradigm of being at war.  Scripture became the sword in his hand. He trained his friends how to pray.  He had no patience for pleading with or begging God.  Jordan was already convinced by the life and commands of Christ that healing is God’s will. “If we don't quit, we win” became his battle cry.

He didn’t quit.  He won. Jordan entered heaven a warrior, not a victim.

Wednesday, 3 September 2014


Having Matthew and Joel close again this summer was such a joy! It’s strange though to transition back and forth from empty nest to a full, boisterous, fridge-emptying house.  Having sons somehow came with an expectation for me to send them off into the world.  I just wasn’t prepared to being “just the two of us” so soon.  
Our Gatherings have made the adjustment palpable for me.  Often the four of us able to connect once a week via Skype to be the church.  The format we follow is from Corinthians instructing us to each bring something to edify the body (1 Corinthians 14:26).  Somehow I end up tearing up at some point in our time together.  Whether it is when one of the guys share: something they’re hearing from Father for themselves of one of us, a song, a question, a passage of Scripture or a request for prayer, time seems to stand still. Frequently we find what we bring overlaps with another, creating a kind of underlining of what Jesus is saying.  
Jordan was the one who wanted to begin this gathering when he began to lose interest in church services.  His frustration stemmed from having to spectate for hours when he wanted to participate. The only sermons he wanted to sit in on were his Dad’s. :-) He felt badly for squirming and distracting others.  I think he was on to something.  And throughout his illness, we would gather as a family, even when the guys were at a distance.  I think one of my favourite moments was when I asked our family to each draw an image of where they saw their journey with God. Joel is the only real artist but somehow we were able to communicate what was inside.  
Jordan’s drawing was that of a fortress - where he was inside and the enemy was outside.  He explained to us that the fort was God and he was hidden inside Him. I so miss his perspective and influence.  What an honour to be his mother.

Darlene's Mom with us in Victoria

Saturday, 30 August 2014


From Kim
It’s been a while since we have posted anything on this blog. It’s not for lack of interest or events or desire. In 2012, this blog was started to inform people of our journey with Jordan. In 2013, we continued to inform you of what life was like after our loss and Jordan’s promotion to Paradise. Now we are coming to fall 2014 and it feels like we are not quite sure what to do with this. Here is an assumption that we are going to work with; you signed up to receive our blog or are checking in because you want to know how we are walking out the journey.. o, we are going to continue to write about our process. If you want to unsubscribe, there should be a link at the bottom of the email you get. We won’t know if you do unsubscribe, so don’t worry about us being offended.

Update: I often say that I’m surprised by how well Darlene and the guys are doing. I find her to be more filled with life and love and risk and faith and hope and clarity and creativity than ever before. Her journey with Jesus is a beautiful thing to behold. She still grieves from time to time, but she doesn’t carry it. It just visits her now and then. She cares for others deeply and laughs really loudly. She loves what she does presenting healthy relationship and sexuality seminars to high school and college students, as well as youth influencers like parents and educators.  She has spent the summer writing and boating and resting and laughing in Victoria, Dallas and Kelowna.

Joel and Matthew are men worthy of honour. They have walked through the chaos with integrity and grit. They are asking all the hard questions, not settling for easy answers and just finished up their summer: Matt as painter and Joel as a roofer. We just settled Joel back into his last year of his education degree with a bachelors of arts and a bachelor of science.  Matthew is connecting with different kingdom business people with the desire to go overseas and make a difference in lives through that business and through discipleship and church planting. His business degree will come in handy through this process.

In talking with a parent who had watched their child suffer and die, we came to an analogy for us that worked. Grief can be like a wave that crashes over us when we’re not looking, knocking us over but passing to allow us to regain our footing and continue enjoying the ocean. Or grief can be like a boulder that we carry in our arms, struggling through every step and barely able to even see past. Jesus is so kind to carry our grief, which means we don’t have to carry that boulder. And when the rogue wave hits, He is there to help us to our feet.  What a King!

Wednesday, 26 February 2014


My sister-in-love sent this to me months ago.
“In the days of apartheid in South Africa, Christians there used to light candles and place them in windows as a sign to themselves and to others that they believed that someday this injustice would end. A candle burning in a window was a sign of hope and a political statement. The government didn't miss the message. It passed a law making it illegal to place a lit candle in a window, the offense being equal to owning a firearm, both considered equally dangerous. This eventually became a joke among the kids: "Our government is afraid of lit candles!”
They had reason to be! Lit candles, more than firearms, overthrew apartheid. Hope, not guns, is what ultimately transforms things. To light a candle as an act of hope is to say to yourself and to others that, despite anything that might be happening in the world, you are still nursing a vision of peace and unity based upon something beyond the present state of things and this hope is based upon deeper realities and powers than the world admits. To light a candle is to state publicly that you believe that what's real and what isn't is ultimately determined by powers and issues that go beyond what's seen on the evening news. To light a candle is an act of political defiance.” Ron Rolheiser

This was especially meaningful to me since we had just lit, for the first time, an incredible candle over Christmas, which had been given to us by dear friends around the time of Jordan’s move to heaven.  Tied around the candle is a card that reads the song he sang days before, “There is a light that always shines.  It shines in the day and it shines in the night.  When the dark days come, and the sun isn't bright, I will be shining for I have a light.”
We viewed the lit candle as an act of defiance against the darkness of everything around us, demanding us to focus on it.  Jesus has given us eyes to see where our son is, what our purpose here is, where our destination is,  and where our Hope lies - in Jesus.
Note: if you didn't get to see the video in the last message, go to

Thursday, 20 February 2014

Olly Olly In Free

Our childhood game of tag included the joyous shout “Olly Olly In Free!!!” when we touched home base...whatever it was, whether a tree, the side of a house or a fence post.
Kim and I often turn to each other these days and say this, sometimes with tears in our eyes, when we see something Jordan has escaped.

no more math exams
no more unanswered questions
never out of reach of Jesus
no more miscommunication
no more being misunderstood
no more misses - of any kind
no more confusion

Jordan has escaped so much, but wait! He has gained so much more than he has left behind.
He is waaay more creative - and is creating right now.  What he imagines, he can build.
Our son is completely confident in his security and significance.
His strength and energy are impressive.
Unending beauty surrounds him.
Laughter and joy in the presence of His Creator and Redeemer.
He is basking in true Kingdom Community - he belongs and is cheered everywhere he goes.

The rest of us are stuck here and while we are here, we are going to boldly advance the Kingdom of Jesus. Along the way, we are having some FUnrau time - as you can see in this video from Christmas in Florida. Top speed: 18 mph.

Thursday, 2 January 2014

Wedding at Boca

Kim here:
We are truly living in the tension between heaven and earth. As believers we are to partner with Jesus to bring things into order on earth as they are in heaven - marriages, families, bodies, communities, people walking in faith and love.  But that is not what we see around us. We felt that on Christmas Eve when we scattered the ashes from Jordan’s body. While it is true that “he is not here, he is risen”, it was still a painful and stark reminder of our loss.
Later that day, Matthew, Joel and I were in the mall scurrying around with all the other shoppers, when Matthew noticed the Salvation Army guy was standing with a cane. Matthew asked us if we wanted to pray for the man - Yes! His name was Murray and he had been injured in the Navy back in 2004. We spoke healing to his body for a few seconds and checked in to see what the difference was. The pain and restriction of movement was 50% gone. Thank you Jesus. We kept on going until all the pain and restriction was gone. He dropped his cane - he was very surprised. We encouraged him, blessed him and went on our way. When we walked by him a few minutes later, he told us that even though we hadn’t prayed for his shoulder, that had been healed too!

A few days ago we were at the wedding of our family friends down here in Boca Raton, Florida. We know how Jesus loves to do miracles at weddings, so we were on alert. Two people got healed at the reception - both had chronic pain that completely disappeared. We expect healing now.

So, in the midst of loss, we are seeing some significant victories. When we tell these stories, some have said, “We just don’t have that kind of faith”. That feeling is familiar to me. I have walked for years assuming that the healing kind of faith belonged to someone else and was out of reach for me. Then we heard a teaching that God has given everyone the gift of faith, and as you use whatever faith you have, you get more. If faith is a muscle, then lift what you can and repeat. Work out that muscle until you can lift heavy illnesses off people.  It’s part of your inheritance.