Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Feeling At Home

I'm struggling to feel at home in our new house.  I know that I can't expect it to happen so quickly, given that we lived 12 1/2 years on Spruceglen.  It's just that nothing will ever be the same.  And more and more, I am coming to feel that I may never feel truly at home on earth again.  Much of my heart is already in heaven.  My Dad and now my son.  Maybe that's not such a bad thing. Looking out from the beach to the ocean in Oregon, I told God once again, (feels like the millionth time), that I just don't understand.  And I heard His response.  "Do you need to understand to trust me?"  Gazing from that particular vantage point, I had two giant rocks flanking my vision.  I knew there was a whole lot more ocean beyond...but I only had my narrow perspective.  

Last week, while I presented in a grade 10 class (the age of Jordan when he went home), the awareness of their challenges just enveloped me.  They have so many choices to make - and it is daunting. The wrong ones can severely impact their future.  Can Jordan even make wrong decisions any more?  What's it like to totally have that pressure off.   I'm so proud of him...and I so miss him.  I can't even say that enough.  Bitter and sweet.  He is living the dream.

It has been such a blessing to have Matthew here.  He has one more semester left of schooling in Business Administration and then his life is wide open - uncharted territory.  About once a week we have a good cry together.  Everything has changed - shifted somehow for our's as if we're looking at the world from a different angle.  Sometimes he'll just pick up my hand and kiss loving and kind.  
He and Kim headed to Edmonton for a conference last weekend and ended up praying for loads of people - prophesying and healing the sick...actually seeing great. And Joel - off in the prairies on his own is risking in faith.  Wow God.