Sunday, 17 March 2013

Let the Packing Commence

I have been putting off writing this blog...
How much more mixed can my feelings be?

Two years ago we put our house on the market for a few months to see what would come of it.  Both older boys were away to school and the three of us wanted to simplify.  After six months on the market, we let it go to try again the next year....last year.  The year it was good to come to home – we needed everything familiar.

This week, the SOLD sign went up.  A young family with a little girl is buying and moving in on May 11.
The decision is both a relief and a wonder.  Every room is packed with memories. When Matt and Joel were home last week, we had them sort through the infamous toy closet, which I've been requesting for the past four years :-).
And we started making videos in every room before it is stacked with boxes.
One morning as I was preparing for work in our ensuite, I remembered Jordan, at age 4, sitting on the counter alternately watching me applying makeup and himself in the mirror.  At one point, he began to intently study my face.  I smiled, thinking how sweet it was to have this little admirer.  With profound curiosity he asked, "Mommy, why do you have so many cracks around your eyes?"  Definitely NOT what I had anticipated.
Our new home will not have those memories...

Friday night I just couldn't stop weeping until Kim encouraged me to just bawl - loud and long....and somehow it worked.  But my eyes were so puffy this weekend, I didn't recognize myself.
So much loss.  And I don't want to stuff the pain...neither do I want it as a constant shadow.
The weather last night mirrored my emotions....bits of rain, sunshine peeking through, more rain, clearing, then lightening with thunder and a downpour that started and stopped suddenly, finishing with hail.

Kim is so wonderful.  So much between us doesn’t even need to be said.  We can just look at each other and know.  A teen drove his bike across the street in front of our car this week and waved to thank us for stopping, reminding us of how Jordan would wave every time to thank others.  It started when he was little and I would hold his hand and the shopping bag with the other and ask him to wave for me, and he just kept on doing it...I loved his consistency. I loved his kindness. And I love that Kim knows I'm not exaggerating when I describe how wonderful our son was to us.  What a gift!